(pic credit: Wildfire’25 ©2025 by crisbaj. Used with permission)

A Word to the Church:
“Spiritual fathers and mothers, arise!
Spiritual big brothers and big sisters, arise!
Invite those you can help.
Invite those I direct you to.
Invite them to walk with you for a season.
In humility and compassion, speak words of healing and identity to My struggling ones.
In service and loving-kindness, walk with My future leaders.
Disciple them.
Share your bread with the hungry and drink with the thirsty.
Raise up your fellow brothers and sisters.
Co-labor with Me to build My Church”.

LAUNCH

How do we launch a movement of ‘Fathering/Mothering/Brother-ing/Sister-ing’ in 2025?
Simple.
Men… you need to invite somebody ‘younger in the faith’ to walk with you for a year.
Women… same thing.
Start out asking for a year of getting together.
Keep it simple, once a month to start.
Find a good public place for talking, like a coffee shop or a park… public, with a little privacy.
Start out with the question, “Hey… how’s it going? How’s your walkin’ with the Lord lately?”
Be willing to face some tough stories.
Be willing to search out a Scripture to encourage. Bring your Bible.
Be willing to supportively sit there and say nothing.
Be willing to listen a lot, ask a few clarifying questions, but generally not say much.
Be willing to totally avoid ‘fixing it’ on the spot. No platitudes, no plug-and-play answers.
Be willing to be a bit vulnerable and share your own struggles and past issues.
Don’t preach.
Be willing to NOT have the big answers, rather… “Hey! I have no idea, but… We’ll seek God together, and I’ll walk together with you thru this.”
Be ready to wrap up the time with a Faith-filled, Grace-filled prayer.
Be willing to pray for the person you are discipling every day…

John Chapters 13-17 a great model.

Journey over destination.
Mercy triumphing over judgement.
Affirmation and identity over shame and guilt.
Seeing beyond the current confusion into His Preferred Future for that person.

OK… maybe it WILL not be simple…?

PASTORS, LEADERS, WORSHIP LEADERS

Every Pastor and every Leader needs to have a ‘Spiritual Parent’ or ‘Spiritual Big Brother/Sister’ walking with them.
[this call is for both men and women…]
That ‘Parent or Big Sibling…’ should be…
Somebody with some proven and solid character.
Somebody who is NOT in their ‘reportable’ organizational tree.
Somebody who is NOT their spouse or family member.
Somebody who is NOT impressed by you, or a member of your fan-club.
Somebody who can ‘speak to power in truth with love’.
Somebody who has a proven track record of hearing/sensing what the LORD is saying or nudging, especially those ‘Divine Whispers’ for individuals.
Somebody who is willing to know when there’s a power-play being pulled out… since the current go-to tool and defense mechanism for Pastors and Leaders [power-players] when they feel exposed to the light.
Somebody who has the strength of maturity to speak lovingly but unwavering to somebody who’s career it is ‘moving people to do things’.
Somebody who is playing the long-game for good in your life.

Worship Leaders especially need someone discipling them.
It can be a non-musician.
Somebody who understands the emotional make-up of a musician, can speak into the ‘needs a crowd to cry’ problem, the self-image and ego-struggles and the frailty of leading in front of people and needing to command a stage.
Somebody who understands the usual musician’s rhythm: need for stage-affirmation, then run back-stage to the dressing room and lock the door… and empty out the Kleenex box.
Somebody who can talk you off the ledge when you’ve in a disastrous season.
Somebody who understands the overwhelming feelings and swirling thoughts that comes from intensity of being in The Presence of The Lord.
Somebody who gets ‘the dark night of the soul’.
Somebody who understands the link between Worship ministry and the resulting batch of sensuous temptations and emotional stirrings that happen.
Better yet, somebody who understands… better yet, lives… the ‘Audience of One’ ethic and ethos in the middle of the Church’s performance and numbers/metrics culture.

Even the Pope has a Confessor.

I’m Here Because of Spiritual Fathers and Big Brothers

Allow me to tell a bit of my story.
I owe a huge debt of gratitude to a number of men who God had spoken to about me.
Men.
They walked with me for a season, as a Spiritual Big Brother, sometimes as Spiritual Fathers.
They initially asked permission, and got involved in my messy life for a season.
They walked with me, spent time with me. We did some ministry together.
We drank alot of coffee and tea together.
They asked alot of questions, and didn’t preach or direct much.
They asked hard questions that I’m sure came to them from being with HolySpirit. Questions that broke off a great deal of the ‘spirit of stupid’ from my weird and unusual life as a teen growing up in the Midwest, who had ‘bent the knee to King Jesus’ but lived in a very confusing and highly religious environment.
I was fighting it out on my own, and they recognized that.
When they stepped up, I wasn’t alone anymore.
Now, after years of ministry, I owe them SO much.
They invested in me.
They were… and to some degree, still are… my Spiritual Fathers and Big Brothers.
[Well, the one’s who are still earth-bound… some of them are dancing with Jesus right now, in the Great Cloud of Wittnesses…]
I’m forever grateful.

Yes, I still have a couple guys who are currently walking with me…

“Men were not built by God to go it alone… we need each other, and need each other to be up in our grills regularly. That’s what Godly men do.” [Jason V of BraveCo].

A LOST PARADIGM

Now, ithe modern era we are in right now has NO CONCEPT that fits a relational paradigm of one-on-one discipleship or apprenticeship.

None. It’s all individualistic, ‘I can do this by myself’ stuff.

Today, being a ‘Christian Leader’ [Pastor, Elder, Preacher, Youth, Worship… and missionary…] is a lonely and rather independent endeavor that expects YOU to be completely self-sufficient and self-determined, while keeping total moral purity and be a ‘spiritual giant’ to those in need.

Essentially living as a solo survivalist in a toxic, harsh environment.

What a set-up by hell to take each one of us out!

Yikes!

Modern academics… including Seminary… is a fiercely individualistic path.
Also, the ‘Academic Model’ of Pastoral Development has a huge number of gaping problems, and little of the maturing discipleship that is required to lead anything in God’s church.

The idea of apprenticeship learning… which IS ‘Discipleship’… has been totally lost in the modern industrial-digital age of individualism.

The Model of Jesus Discipleship for the ’12 and the 72’ involved being WITH JESUS… a lot.

Continually.

Rabbi Jesus, doing Kingdom stuff, and being together with Him 24/7.

King Jesus curriculum:
Jesus did it, and they watched…
then they helped Jesus…
then they did it with Jesus watching…
then Jesus left and sent HolySpirit.
[Who dwells inside each and every one that belongs to Him]

That’s King Jesus University curriculum.
Very relational, very intentional, very connected.
Heart-connected.
Experiential, almost non-academic.
[It doesn’t negate academic learning, but puts it in a different perspective and different context, certainly nothing like the current Seminary model]

The modern Church idea that preaching and teaching IS discipleship has produced a great deal of… terrible stuff… but really few solid disciples of the Master Jesus.

Truth be told, loyal every-week-attenders are NOT being Discipled… even those who come mid-week and help out in some in-house ministry are not in a relationship that would result in the character development that Discipleship produces.

IF the titles ‘Spiritual Mothers and Fathers’, “Spiritual Big Sisters and Brothers” bothers you, then…
Call it ‘Life Coaching’ [a modern label].
Call it ‘Mentoring’.
Call it ‘Spiritual Parenting’.
Call it ‘Discipling’… which is moving towards the true Biblical concept.
Call it a ‘Confessor’ or a Spiritual Director.
Call it Chocolate Jerky… whatever.
Just DO it!

It can start out for a year. Anything less doesn’t give room for growth.

It can happen while you’re also seeing a Therapist or Psych at the same time.
[Your Therapist or Psych shouldn’t be your Spiritual Parent… will explain later… also, your Spiritual Parent isn’t a substitute for true professional help when needed, or you’re on meds, which is OK too…].

It can happen with somebody who does NOT go to your Church or Fellowship. IF it happens with somebody inside your Fellowship or Church, that person must be totally trust-able and tight-lipped about anything you’re talking about together [a powerful covenant of confidentiality… equal to ‘the sanctity of the Confessional’ our Roman Catholic brethren live with…]

It can be somebody who is from a different Theological flow than you are, or the one you find yourself in.

I’m on-the-fence with the Spiritual Parent being an actual family member. Family relationships usually have some other things attached to them, with different expectations.

My Spiritual Parents were free to come at the relationship… differently.

HOMEWORK

I remember a couple of my ‘Spiritual Fathers’ assigning me ‘homework’, and yes, they later asked about it.
It usually meant a concerted time of grabbing a Bible, a blank notebook + pen, and time away asking GOD directly how I should think, what should I believe, or what should I do about a certain situation, relationship, or attitude.
Usually, when we met, they didn’t ask what answer I received. They just wanted to know that I had an ENCOUNTER with GOD and if HE spoke to me about the issue.

Then they stressed that I needed to follow HIM.

Actually, most of my foundational ‘directions’ in Worship came from two very conservative ‘Spiritual Fathers’… and I learned that nothing {nothing, nothing absolutely nothing] will ever replace the Secret Place, and that building a History with God [in the Secret Place] is THE essential element of walking with Him… definitely being a leader of anything in His Kingdom… a History that has NOTHING to do with the Ministry or Pastoral position I find myself in.

The Secret Place is THE place where a son (me) encounters Abba Father (Him) and I can find my Daily Bread (Him) and cool, clean Water (Him).

In Him I live and move and have my being… I must…

Like… a common Question asked… “This past week, apart from your Biblical prep-study for your Sunday message, WHAT is GOD speaking to you about?” [My Spiritual Dad at the time taught me that I needed to feed at Christ’s table for my own soul, separate from what I was leading or prepping at the time…]

HOW TO GET STARTED

At a recent leaders conference, panelists were asked how to ‘ramp up’ this mentoring and ‘walking together’ model in the modern Church.
Two panelists answered, “…easy! Scope out somebody in your Church who is wise and experienced in the Faith, and ask them to have coffee.”

Easy enough!

TAKE AWAY

Additional Blogs are in the works with some of the practical nuts-and-bolts of this Paradigm shift in modern discipleship.

[Stuff like only guys disciple guys, only gals disciple gals… realities like there is benefit to meeting in coffee shops and public-‘seen’ places where you can talk privately but no chance of accusation…]

All this close-up relationship has to have HOLINESS as a foundational thread. In a world where ‘close relationships’ have been horribly abused and set-ups for un-Holy things. PURITY and FREEDOM are important elements of the relationship and need to be hard-wired into anything that happens.

Manipulation and control has no place in Spiritual Parenting, period.
I lived thru the ‘Shepherding Movement’ of the ‘80s, and every person stepping into Spiritual Parenting needs to understand this is a ‘adult parenting’ setup, that you invest and they’re grown up and move on.
No kick-backs, no expectations, sometimes heart-ache.
No ‘helicopter’ behaviors.

That FREEDOM for the Disciple to say ‘no’ or ‘not now’ exists…
I remember one Spiritual Dad of mine speak something really, really truthful and direct to me once, which I completely rejected at the time… but had to directly face two years later. He was right to bring it up.
[Oh, and yes, he was spot-on, and it was totally what the Lord was saying to me…]

God was Gracious and filled with Mercy during that season, and that dude didn’t reject me while I was taking a couple years to work it out.
We’re still friends.

“Spiritual fathers and mothers, arise!
Spiritual big brothers and big sisters, arise!”

written by crisbaj

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